Post - Corona Possibilities and Probabilities

Post Corona will our world regain its natural splendors?

I am no expert, but thanks to Corona, life will never be the same. Ever again. Or will it? Most of us have been holed up at home for an inordinately lengthy period. We have learned to appreciate the little things. Like the drumsticks growing in your mostly neglected vegetable patch. Precious jars of Nutella, the sweet grocery store guy kept aside for you, because your face fell when there weren’t any the last time you stopped by. Spouses and kids who help with household chores (and all it took was a little grumbling and a lot of persuasion, maybe even extortion when you threatened to dump their handheld devices in the compost pit near the veggie patch). Less demanding hours which you are free to fill with anything at all that captures your fancy. Even if it is doing nothing at all in particular. Because you can.

We appreciate the big things too. Like those who have gone out of their way to help those in need. Whether it is feeding stray dogs, using your fancy hotel’s kitchen to prepare and send out healthy meals for cops on duty, caring for the sick, or volunteering to make sure that essential items, staples reach the ones who need them the most. The fact that despite cynical predictions that India will be the worst hit during this crisis, thanks to quick thinking and judicious methods we are holding our heads above water at present. There is always the dreadful possibility that things could take a turn for the worse though. Besides life in India isn’t exactly amazing at the moment. The spectre of economic woes, unemployment, grinding poverty, starvation and mass death confronts us all. But even so, we are holding firm and we are doing it together. Even if we can't help but moan and groan or whinge and whine about how everybody else is being as stupid and useless as the government. 

Some of us are making resolutions about the beautiful, meaningful lives we are hopefully going to lead after the lockdown is lifted, while ignoring the voice in the head, truculently wondering if that will happen in the immediate future or at least in this century. A simpler, more old – fashioned lifestyle is called for we tell ourselves where we refrain from our consumerist excesses and boundless greed, even as we wonder if we should reduce our employees' salary or cancel the bonus. Perhaps we can buy a patch of land in those rural areas and take up farming, so we can be closer to nature. At the very least, we will no longer obsess over nail polish, lipstick or the perfect outfit guaranteed to make us Instagram worthy, or shell out hard – earned money on umpteen vacations around the world, so we can join queues at amusement parks or gaze at a monument in order to tweet about it.  Most of us have made a virtual pinkie promise with like-minded buddies, to always respect and care for Big Momma Nature. Perhaps we can even sit out the rat race for a bit and give something back to society because we were recently made aware of the fact that money amounts to squat if you aren’t going to be around to enjoy it. We intend to stick to these pure minded intentions. We do. For as long as the economy remains languishing in the doldrums and Coronasura stands poised with a club over our collective heads.

Will we learn? Or reduce our planet to a post apocalypse wasteland?

Too many among us are haunted by our fears though. Among other assorted worries. That this is just the prelude to an apocalypse from which there is no return unless we can mutate overnight into evolved beings with virus proof hides and invincible immune systems. That even if the improbable happens and life goes back to normal, we will revert to the old destructive ways. If not immediately, then shortly after. Polluting the environment and despoiling nature every which way we can. Buying stuff we don’t need and gorging relentlessly on the limited resources offered by the planet. And fighting with each other about everything from politics to religion and why my favourite celeb or God is superior to yours. Wait! Did we ever stop being this way? Is there hope for us to somehow metamorphose into half way decent human beings who will learn from the mistakes of the past and live right? Maybe. Maybe not.

An edited version of this piece was carried in The New Indian Express.

Lessons from a Pandemic: Quit Pressuring People into becoming Parents

Why pressure people into contributing to the population problem? 

Whenever possible, I try to watch a movie on Saturday night. Nowadays, a lot of time is spent in indecision as I wade through the countless choices, wishing I would just hurry up and make up my mind. Should I watch one of those award winning movies? This one is tricky. Highly feted movies like Parasite, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, Marriage Story, to name a few, are well worth the laurels heaped on them. But there is also the risk of watching criminally overrated garbage like The Shape of Water which has exquisite visuals and little else or something like the Irishman, adored by critics who are determined to like anything at all Scorcese makes but which turned out to be an extremely tedious saga about ageing bulls which put me right to sleep.  Horror is usually a safe choice but there are hardly any standouts in the genre. The latest releases throw up some interesting options and I enjoyed War and Ala Vaikunthapurramuloo recently, which is why I settled on Dharala 

Prabhu, the tamil remake of Vicky Donor as last night’s viewing choice with less than my usual indecisiveness.

Is Harish Kalyan TN's answer to Ayushman Khurrana and Vijay Deverakonda?

It is a lovely movie made by Krishna Marimuthu with dignity and a fine sensibility. Films on sensitive topics such as sperm donation rely on clumsy humour which is extremely cringe – inducing. But this film was refreshingly different. Aided by great performances from the promising Harish Kalyan, evergreen Sachu and Vivekh as well as the delightful Meera Janaki Krishnamurthy, the film goes about the business of telling a story with minimal fuss and fanfare while being hugely effective. It does weave in messages about how there is still so much stigma attached to non – traditional methods of childbearing, adoption and even squeezes in a same – sex couple, but without being preachy or self – righteous. All of this works beautifully.

But since, I was born a contrarian, I felt that a few more issues need to be addressed when it comes to these things. Dharala Prabhu is very sympathetic towards people who are desperate to have children and are hounded by practically everyone in their lives and of course, society at large for imagined failures in this department. Many childless couples are pressured into spending truckloads of money to somehow pop out the little ones via sperm donation, in – vitro fertilization, surrogacy etc. Of course, I sympathize too but isn’t it high time we eased up on the pressure, quit idealizing parenthood and pretending that babies magically fill our lives with love, happiness, fulfilment and meaning while erasing all cause for complaint, sadness or despair?

Let us be honest. Parenting is one of the most high – pressure jobs out there. Raising children takes its toll physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. As for babies themselves, it is true that some days are magical and your children light up your life. But in the interest of full disclosure, let me tell you that there are also many more days when your precious boos or moos are perfectly capable of being jerks not above throwing tantrums, engaging in emotional manipulation, being extremely demanding of your time, attention and rights to the remote, and fully capable of provoking you into tearing out entire chunks of your hair and running out into the streets towards the nearest Covid – 19 positive patient.  

Not everyone is cut out for this and if folks decide they are not suited to be parents and would rather do other things that don’t involve poop filled diapers, we should stop judging them and making them feel bad for their eco-friendly choice. And no, please don’t tell them ‘If your parents had been this selfish, self – indulgent and unwilling to wipe your nose and bum, you wouldn’t be here.’ As for those, who want to have kids but cannot for various reasons, it is imperative that we leave them alone and stop piling on the hurt even if it is inadvertent or well intentioned. The last thing such couples want is ‘friendly advise’ about the ideal temples to visit in order to be blessed with a bundle of joy, rituals to perform that are guaranteed to ‘cure’ childlessness, fertility doctors and treatments, ancient remedies and what have you. And do me a personal favour, STOP asking newlyweds if they have ‘sweet news’. A little sensitivity goes a long way folks.

Finally, as the second most populous nation in the world, Indians are all too familiar with the perils of population explosion. In fact, if the pandemic has taught us anything it is that social distancing is next to impossible in a country as thickly populated as ours with its history of unfair and unequal resource management. It is high time we re-examined our overzealous commitment towards faithfully contributing to the national as well as international population problem.

Condensed milk and Corona induced blues

‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going.’ Or so we have been told. My mum keeps telling me to watch my mouth, so I will refrain from cussing out the idiot who came up with that particular idiom. Probably one of those curmudgeonly football coaches during a particularly rousing pep talk where everyone in the immediate vicinity was sprayed with saliva as the grunting, heavily perspiring players were exhorted towards greater exertions. Anyways, I keep repeating the damn thing like a mantra, during rough patches, determined to forget that I am nowhere as tough as I would like to be.

Initially, I told myself to make the best of this lockdown. Work out twice a day. Master all the difficult yoga poses like the handstand, elbow stand (pincha mayurasana), crow pose (bakasana). Write every single day. Stay ahead of the chores. Learn something new – perhaps a new language or sign up for one of those online courses. Teach the kids something. Try and work on the vegetable patch which I have always been meaning to have (The drumstick tree is thriving and so are the curry leaves, in addition to my faithful cactus, so yay!) Practise my adavus, perfect my araimandi and blow my Guru’s mind, when dance class resumes. Stay as positive as possible given my naturally cynical bent of mind, try to limit the panic attacks to one a day in the privacy of my mind, etc.

The first two weeks weren't too bad. I was physically active and somewhat productive. I can do the handstand with wall support and can hold the crow for 5 seconds on good days. Nowadays, though, I spend a good chuck of my time trying to think up excuses to skip my work out, then settle for a quick half – hour session and spend most of it in the corpse pose (shavasana). On the writing front, I have managed to put up a few blog posts, though mostly I stare at a blank document and wonder why nobody has come up with an instant fix for writers block yet, before giving up.

As for the chores, I like to think there is a smoothly functioning system in place for getting things done with a degree of efficiency. Even as I kid myself, I can’t help but think it is too damn bad, I didn’t get a letter inviting me to join Hogwarts. It would have been fun to learn a few domestic spells and magic the drudgery away (among other things)! My brain and mind rebel every time, I try to urge both to sign up for an online course or attempt to learn a new language. Apparently both would rather go ‘tsk tsk’ over the trolling on Twitter, depressing newsfeeds determined to make us feel worse about the Corona situation or idly browse through pretty pics of celebs on Instagram who are positively glowing after 4 hour workouts,  guaranteed to make us feel even worse about ourselves.

I did do a few storytelling sessions with the children, taught them some simple recipes as well and harangued them into doing something besides plonking themselves on the couch to play games on the computer and watch the telly simultaneously. I even managed to dance a little, though it feels like wading through treacle on some days. And I did not get around to practising the adavus unless you count the two minutes when I rehearsed the Nattadavus with the kids. As for the araimandi, I quit before I even began, telling myself that the knees would grumble loudly in protest and I ought to protect them at all costs. 

Over the past few days, my energy levels have been dipping in earnest. I have a wicked case of the blues and it is hard to summon the will to get out of bed and do anything at all. The only reason, I managed to get through the daily routine today was because I was terrified that if I don’t, the dishes will pile up in the sink and eventually manage to break through the roof where they will join hands with the dust monsters to kill me. Even so, the temptation was strong to cower under the covers and tell the family to have cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Or whatever they find in the fridge. (As for me there is Nutella in my secret stash, but I left it there because I tormented myself with images of myself ballooning to grotesque proportions).

Thanks for the laughs Modern Family!

It wasn’t all bad though. I whipped up dessert, and comforted myself only with the leftover condensed milk, even as a bullying voice in my head informed me that the sugar demons are definitely going to get me before Corona does. And I watched the series finale of Modern Family. Like most formerly great shows, it seemed to have run out of steam a few seasons ago, but the finale was nevertheless worth a watch. A heartfelt end to a beloved show, it was particularly moving to watch it in these days of fear and unease, when so many of us are near and yet so far away from loved ones. 

One of the things that was great about the show was that it tackled so many sensitive subjects with warmth and humour, without being political or militantly woke. It has changed the way, so many people look at LGBTQ rights, same – sex marriage, adoption and immigrants. A reminder if any were needed that few things have the power of art to bring about change in this complicated world where for every step we take in the right direction, we inevitably take two backward. Which is also why I will always have more faith in art than people.

Comfort food in the time of Corona!

Long story short, it made me tear up a little and took some of the Corona – induced blues away with it. My spirits lifted a bit when it rained for a brief spell in the evening, before it ceased altogether and left the atmosphere so muggy, it felt like a sauna. Moving on, if the newsfeeds are to be believed, the lockdown with be extended to the end of this month. At the very least. The good news is I still have a few tins of condensed milk left. Ammunition against Coronasura! Hope you are all doing okayish? Let me know if you need anything… Unless it is condensed milk. 

Is the fight against Corona, jeopardizing our future?

Wish a superhero would show up and fix this already...

Most of us seldom have anything commendable to say about our elected leaders. And with good reason. It is almost as if being corrupt, ruthless, incompetent, ignorant, or downright criminal is the job description of a career politician. As voters, we are used to making the best of abysmal choices and we all fumble along, hoping against hope that a great leader will emerge out of nowhere to save us from all the things we need saving from. Or at least, not screw us over so badly that we are left unable to defend ourselves and safeguard our best interests.

Neither of these things seem to be happening as the world does battle with the Coronavirus and leaders of countries and states find themselves saddled with the task of dealing with an unprecedented crisis. There is sweeping condemnation for nearly all of them, no matter what they do or don’t. And I can’t help but be concerned about the fate of this nation and the world at large, which currently rests in the hands of those who haven’t given us much reason to trust or respect them.

All of us are running scared right now. The uncertainty and paucity of information is hard to take. The social and economic consequences of this complete shutdown of normal life is going to be long – lasting and possibly cause a lot more havoc than the virus itself. The initial data suggests that among those who have tested positive for Covid – 19 in the general population, the symptoms are mild and don’t require hospitalization. The more serious cases requiring intensive care, have mainly been seen among those above the age of sixty and higher. The fatalities have mostly been limited to the elderly and those suffering from chronic illness or compromised immune systems. Which is not to say the younger populace, under 30 years of age has remained unaffected or free from fatality. No doubt, the statistics will keep shifting and it will be months before a clearer picture emerges.

In the meantime, nearly all our resources are being expended on a confused, sporadic effort to contain the virus and flatten the curve without much thought being given to the efficacy of this approach or the collateral damage that is already taking a toll on the populace. The lockdown has crippled the entire workforce forcing thousands into an impoverished state left with no means to take care of themselves or their families. Forget access to a health care system that is certainly on the verge of being overwhelmed, many have been left without clean water, food, or a roof over their heads. How long can this pitiable state be allowed to continue? Even if this were to blow over, unemployment will be at an all-time high and small businesses may not recover. And let us not even begin to discuss the state of public morale after the staggering costs exacted by this catastrophe.

Hospitals have shut their outpatient departments and are focusing solely on this pandemic on government orders at the expense of those afflicted with far more life – threatening disorders and conditions since all surgeries and medical procedures barring emergencies have been deferred indefinitely. The plight of those diagnosed with cancer, HIV, renal failure and other diseases or disorders is worrisome as cops prowling the roads use any and all means to ensure that people do not leave their homes. Surely it is unconscionable to leave the sick and diseased not afflicted with Covid – 19 to get by as best as they can? What is the point of keeping some safe from Corona while leaving others to die or have irreparable damage done to their health by allowing serious ailments to go untreated?

The gnawing questions persist even as they send our anxiety soaring into the stratosphere. When will it be safe for us to leave our homes and return en masse to the workplace? Will schools be reopened soon? When will we identify the best treatment methods to beat this thing? How much time will it take to develop a vaccine? What about the costs we are inadvertently incurring both inside and outside the financial sphere? There are no answers available at present and I don’t think they will be forthcoming anytime soon. All we can do is hunker down and keep our fingers as well as toes crossed as we wait interminably for this thing to blow over, hopefully sooner rather than later.

As for the fight against Corona, it cannot be allowed to cause even more devastation than the virus is likely to cause. Therefore, it is to be hoped that our leaders, whatever their failures in the past may have been will redeem themselves by figuring out the best way to fight the virus and save those who are infected but not by putting the future of everyone else at risk. What we need are unlikely heroes, who will rise to the occasion and do battle with the forces of disease and despair, and deliver us safe and sound into a better future.

The silver lining in a cloudless summer sky

Look closely, squint a bit, summon your inner optimist, perhaps you just might spot the silver lining in a cloudless summer sky...

Summer is here. And it sucks worse than usual. Especially for us, Indians, who are placed uncomfortably close to the equator. I live in one of the hottest, driest places in the world. And believe me, when I say that after spending a single summer in Sivakasi, all the fire, brimstone, boiling vats of oil, rivers of lava, and the rest of the horrors of hell featuring extreme heat described in weighty religious tomes, fiery prophets and the poetry of Dante, will seem like a vacation in the snow clad Swiss Alps. I exaggerate not.

The heat is something else. You can cook eggs on any available service or even a fevered brow. Watermelon and tender coconut are sold at exorbitant rates and it is way too hot to bargain. All my plans to allow the excess fat to melt away in the heat, come to naught because I can’t walk past an ice cream shop without resisting the lure of a white chocolate and raspberry bar or a double scoop of the sinful palghova ice cream available at Puppy’s Bakery. Hence, though my mother refuses to buy it, the excessive heat of Sivadump is to blame for my weight issues (How is a girl supposed to survive the summer without ice cream and IPl damn it!). But there is worse…

Even those who are not as green – thumb challenged as I am, have trouble growing anything other than cacti, given the scarcity of water. ‘We need rain…’ we keep saying to each other unnecessarily, hoping Mother Nature or whoever is in charge of the weather will pay heed. Some brave the heat and crowds to visit temples and pray fervently for a few life-giving showers. I daresay, desperation drives a few to perform the rain dance which though it sounds improbable totally worked for Ted Mosby on How I Met Your Mother (If you haven’t watched the show, please do and then call me so we can crib together about the series finale which ruined the entire series.) But the brief showers are few and far away and invariably gives the impression of a medium – sized giant with a Urinary Tract Infection, pausing briefly above my town to take a reluctant piss only to change his mind and stop mid-stream.

This summer, I have been daydreaming uselessly about somehow meeting Tansen, (one of the nine gems in Akbar’s court who sang so beautifully and with so much command over the ragas, legend has it, he could actually light the oil lamps when he sang the Deepak raga) and begging him to teach me the Megh Malhar raga, so that I can summon clouds and rain at will. Wouldn’t that be swell? And why stop with rain… Perhaps I could learn to sing the blues away and heal the worst of injuries be they of the mind and spirit. It would be lovely to conjure up comfort with the power of your voice or soothe the hatred, pain and anger, simmering deep within the soul. Of course, I confess, it would also be cool if I could turn a few things to ash as well using that Deepak raga, like unwelcome intruders who have brought the entire world to its knees and then busted the kneecaps.

For all the non - existent people out there wondering about the extent to which I have succeeded in achieving my impossible daydream, allow me to inform you that Tansen saab hasn’t been very obliging so far, which hasn’t stopped me from belting out a few tunes with my painfully inadequate voice over the protests of husband dearest every once in a while. So there is hope. Or not.

Meanwhile, it is as hot as it always has been in these parts with every promise of becoming hotter still. With no sign of rain. But the silver lining in the cloudless summer sky is that it seems impossible that anything could thrive in this scorching weather. Not even a stubborn virus, or Coronasura as some refer to him (It is a him, of that I am certain!) So, perhaps there is hope after all.

How to Feel Lucky during a Lockdown

It is an understatement to say that not many people are feeling particularly lucky at this moment but the truth is we are all fortunate to live in this particular age. For those wondering if I am writing this from one of those exclusive wellness retreats in the middle of the Sahara frequented by Hollywood hotshots or merely because I have my head firmly lodged up my backside, you couldn’t be more wrong. Like everybody else, I am in lockdown mode, thanks to the damnable pandemic raging across the world. Reduced to missing the Before Corona era while trying to keep up with mounting household chores which eat into all the time everybody else seems to be spending on Netflixing or vegetating on their couches. And worrying about the economic fallout from all this has ensured that I am not in the best or brightest of moods.

Even so, I cannot help but think we have it relatively easy, especially if we were to take a stroll through the darker corridors of a disease – fraught past and witness the devastation caused by deadly epidemics and pandemics that changed the course of history. It must have sucked real bad to be afflicted with leprosy in the middle ages when it was believed that the victims were being punished by God for moral failings. Consequently, they were ostracised and left to rot in isolated colonies. Multiples outbreaks of the bubonic plague also known as the Black Death are believed to have routinely decimated one – third of the population across large swathes of Europe, Asia, Africa and Arabia.

Let us not forget small – pox which originated in Europe but wound up being carried to and ultimately annihilating almost the entire indigenous population in the New World. In India, we are all too familiar with the evils wrought by cholera across the years. Brought to our shores by British soldiers, millions have died and it is to our shame that it remains a dogged killer to this day given our inadequate treatment of sewage, irresponsible garbage disposal, practise of open defecation and lack of access to clean drinking water. In all these instances, the sick seldom had access to decent medical care, were stigmatized and left to die on the streets even as the corpses piled up and no one had the strength left to dig up mass graves.

The Coronavirus on the other hand has a significantly lower mortality rate. More importantly, thanks to cutting edge technology that allows us to communicate instantly and constantly with each other, it is possible to remain well – informed and on top of the situation. We can help one another with money, medical aid and other resources. Even the poor and unfortunate, left stranded when public transport was suspended can make their plight visible thanks to intrepid reporters and social media with the ensuing outcry forcing the government to act. If we can stay calm in the midst of the senseless panic, fear – mongering and conspiracy theorizing there is no reason why we can’t beat this thing. All it takes is sense, strict sanitary measures and a willingness to refrain from blaming each other, Tablighi Jamaat, China or the government for our current predicament.

These are things we would do well to remember and feel grateful for in the middle of a lockdown, particularly when feeling somewhat cranky while knee – deep in dirty dishes and frustration. After all, it could have been so much worse. 

P.S: If my article has failed to make you feel lucky or even a little less lousy about the lockdown, I don’t blame you in the least. 

An edited version of this article was published in The New Indian Express.

A New Reality

Are we surviving Corona by feeding our addiction for the darkverse?

How many days have elapsed since the lockdown began? What is today’s date? How many days to go before a semblance of normalcy is restored? The weirdest thing is I don’t know or even care all that much anymore. In fact, for the first time in forever, I am not wearing a watch. Given the fact that a short while ago (though it feels like a long time ago), my life was ruled by a rigid schedule with the watch and calendar (where all my commitments were carefully marked) acting as enforcers, it is strange to have the days unwind with all the urgency of a slumbering sloth. In the good old days of yore, the sooner I took care of something demanding and time – consuming, there would be momentary relief and mild satisfaction, but the very next second, there would be something else I needed to work on.

Not much has changed and yet, everything has. There are still tons of things that need to be taken care of and yet, I no longer feel like I am on a treadmill with the speed set to impossible. Now it just feels like I am wading through a sweet and sour syrup. So I am counting that as a plus or a minus. But I am also wondering if going forth, abnormal will be the new normal. Having no choice but to remain locked away from the outside world, what if we lose all inclination to leave the illusory safety of our homes, especially once Amazon and Swiggy start delivering again and we have everything we will ever need a click away?

Can we even begin to contemplate a life independent of the internet?? After all, the only thing that is keeping us sane in the middle of a pandemic is the sickly sweet, sticky World Wide Web we have allowed ourselves to become hopelessly entangled and entrapped in, suckered in by its enchanting ways.

Forget surviving Corona, the real question is whether we can survive without the internet and its infinite pleasures… that marvellously murky space where there is everything for everybody. In a bid to foolishly persuade myself into thinking that I am not addicted to the internet, I try to incorporate a little old fashioned into my routine like reading, cooking and Yoga. And let us not forget the ever present chores. In addition to that, every evening, for an hour or so, the kids and I pry ourselves away from our umpteen gadgets evincing varying levels of reluctance for story – telling sessions. I just finished narrating the Mahabharata to them today, and the entire thing has been great, though the daughters had trouble keeping the names of the characters straight, forcing me to remember the plot of Ala Vaikunthapurramuloo (how great is Allu Arjun in that entertainer?) which involved swapped babies.

But the thing is, once our brief sojourn into the glorious past is over and done with, ever so satisfying as it is, we go right back to surfing the web or watching shows and in my case, writing about it for my blog. Perhaps, therein lies the truth. Maybe, the day is not far off, when we will willingly step away from the real world and its messy issues featuring viruses, communalism, economic meltdowns, wars, etc. into a virtual nirvana where everything seems brighter, more beautiful and infinitely more stimulating. It is not even a scary thought is it? The Matrix was a dystopian futuristic fantasy when it came out decades ago, yet nowadays it is starting to feel like the only world we want to be a part off…

But Matrix or no, tomorrow the daughters and I travel to more exotic shores, because junior wants to explore the Thousand and One Arabian Nights and I am more than happy to oblige. As the chap whose first name was Agent according to Tony Stark, and who got killed off in the Marvelverse says, sometimes we might need a ‘little old fashioned’ in a rapidly changing world. And hope it is enough for whatever lies ahead.

PS: I am taking a break from horror movies and joining the daughters in exploring the delights of the extended Marvelverse. They love Aquaman too but who doesn’t? That Jason Momoa is too dreamy for words…

PPS: I recorded a video for #IRecommend with #ETimes, mentioning some good reads for the #lockdown. It was fun though it felt weird to wear something that wasn’t a fugly tee or harem pants which I consider the only suitable couture in the times of Corona.You can watch it here.

The things you miss and don’t during the Quarantine

The husband declares war on dirt!

Another day filled to the brim with household chores. The husband has been in the midst of a cleaning frenzy – dusting and mopping with a dedication that boggles the mind. He has declared war on every spot, stain, cobweb as well as every lizard that has long defied my determined attempts to evict them from our home. The better half was ruthless rather like a Monica Gellar on steroids, but he became a tad dejected when confronted with the unshakeable persistence of the dust demons that cling to everything lasciviously and the unavoidable sightings of assorted smudges, spatters, and smears that will always besmirch the place, despite your relentless efforts.

With all the wisdom of the veteran albeit reluctant, somewhat resigned domestic diva, I told him that he could spend every minute of every day, being Monica Gellar (on steroids!) and cleaning with a vengeance but in the end, the dirt always wins. The prudent thing to do is to do what I do which is to make your peace with all things messy as long as it has the good sense to remain out of sight. Plus, you can assure yourself that seven star levels of cleanliness don’t translate to cosy and homey. Besides it is cruel to whack every spider you meet with your broom. It is not humanitarian and their rough spun, yet delicate webs are works of art that add something to the décor. However, I will not object if lizards or cockroaches are ruthlessly exterminated. Why aren’t the damned things not even close to extinction anyway?

Being the novice he is, the husband ignored my sage advice, muttered something about people who rationalize away their shoddiness and informed me that he will achieve the impossible seven star standard of hygiene tomorrow. I nodded indulgently, just glad that I didn’t have to dust or mop, and turned my attention to the ants that were trying to sneak into my jar of overpriced Patanjali honey. It was time to roll up my sleeves and switch to killer mode!

True dat!

Having cleaned up all evidence of the carnage, I found my thoughts turning to the Before Corona era. It is the simple things I miss the most like hanging out aimlessly at the mall, watching movies at the theatre while the rowdy fans whistle and raise hell, grabbing coffee with pals and simply shooting the breeze, making not so environment friendly plans with family and friends since they usually involved travelling or eating out, rushing around taking care of irksome errands, getting jostled by the unruly crowd at theme parks, markets and wherever you happened to be at any given moment. Hell, I even think longingly of the daily grind when 24 hours was not sufficient to honour all your personal or professional commitments not to mention the interminable deadlines which would send my stress levels soaring through the roof. Most of all, I miss haranguing the maid for neglecting to sweep under the sofa or breaking my mother – in – law’s pickle jar. Sigh, those were the good old days!

Good riddance!

However, I certainly don’t miss the endless traffic, serpentine queues and appalling levels of pollution. Or the people who didn’t think there was anything wrong with coughing in your face, elbowing you out of the way or peeing on your compound wall. Or the road. Or any public or private property that wasn’t an honest to goodness restroom. And I don’t miss shaking hands (I have always preferred Namaskaram or a simple wave, after all there is no way to ascertain whether the person shaking your hand has washed their hands after using the loo or digging their nose.) So I guess, there is that.

What do I do now? Perhaps I will take a nap and dream of a Corona free future which is a lot closer than we dare hope.

Some Wishes on Day 4 of the Lockdown

It is most fortunate that I am dealing with the lockdown with my husband and kids for company. The fridge is reasonably well stocked. There is space enough to go for walks around the house itself and dogs to play with. I am very grateful for my collection of books, the internet and assorted tech. which allow us to reach out to family members and friends, keep ourselves occupied and entertained. Some of us even get to work from home, thanks to trusty laptops and that is such a blessing.  

Not everyone is this lucky though. That nationwide lockdown announced at 8:00 pm to go into effect at 12:00 am clearly took many by surprise and workers belonging to the poorer sections were left stranded far away from their families without any means to commute. Some have been reduced to trekking for hundreds of kilometres with young children on their shoulders without even basic necessities like food and water to keep them going. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for daily wage workers deprived of their livelihoods and left with very little means to fend for themselves. The economic repercussions of this unprecedented global crisis and our collective anxiety over whether we will be able to limp back to a semblance of normalcy is enough to cause most of us to break out into hives, which is why the idea is to keep calm and as busy as possible under the circumstances.

It is what I am doing at any rate with varying degrees of success. On some days, I am so calm and collected, I freak myself out as I do my Yoga, potter about the house cleaning up hitherto neglected corners, participate in fun group activities on Whatsapp groups that mercifully does not include the dissemination of fake news, scary conspiracy theories or bizarre theories for beating Corona, write like a fiend to work my way through the woe, narrate the Mahabharatha to the kids in instalments and get into only mild arguments with the husband over whose turn it is to do the dishes or bring in the clothes.

There are moments when I am a wreck though. There is so much simmering panic over stalled projects on the work front that it is all I can do to keep from bouncing off the walls, while wailing like a demented banshee. The realization that we are barely a few days into the lockdown and it already feels like forever and there are those who are insisting that it could be extended indefinitely freak me out completely. At times, like this my poison is sugar and I love and hate myself for not stocking up on Ferrero rochers, cupcakes, Snickers and bounty bars, cheesecake, and tubs of ice cream having anticipated my tendency to stuff my face in times of stress which have previously resulted in my size ballooning out of all proportion to my optimal weight (not that I am in fine shape at present).

And have I mentioned the ocean of chores! At this point, I miss my maid so much more than I can say. How the dishes pile up! The husband helps out and even the kids wash their plates after they have used it because they are all too aware that a sink full of dirty dishes is one of the things I loathe most in the universe. But even so, I feel like I am knee – deep in the stuff. Even making a cup of coffee or tea fills me with dread because there are going to be mugs, saucepans, and spoons to wash. Don’t even get me started on the terror brought on by cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner! And let us not forget the laundry folks! I am ever so grateful for washing machines but let me confess that it is still a pain in the patootie! No wonder the cavemen limited themselves to bark and animal skins, which could be used and discarded in addition to being totally eco - friendly J

Hermione Granger would disapprove!

Wish there were friendly elves or other magical beings who would invisibly and quietly dust, sweep, swab, do the dishes as well as the laundry, cook me delicious, healthy meals, and give me awesome massages to fix the knotty spots beneath my shoulder blade and the gnarly areas in my lower back. They would be so much cuter than robots who if the Terminator and Matrix movies are to be believed could mean the end of us, (as if we need more end of the world scenarios!). And while I am wishing for the impossible, I wish there were Corona virus fighting sprites who would do battle with this annoying virus and obliterate it from the face of the Earth! 

Since I have whined more than is usual by even my admittedly abysmal standards, I shall sign off with a few lines from a poem penned by my daughter, Veda:

Shine like glitter

Or be calm like water,

Even melt like butter

But don’t rot like the gutter.

Be happy and shine

Don’t be gloomy and whine.