If you have the
stomach for it and tend not to throw up when confronted with all things revolting,
it is always amusing to watch politicians in action when elections are around
the corner. They step out wearing crisp ethnic wear, sporting bad dye/toupee
jobs, palms folded together reverentially, flashing sincere fake smiles while
waving from top open vehicles, trundling past giant hoardings of their
photo-shopped selves and strategically placed loud - speakers promising the
citizens that the candidate is ‘The One’.
These sterling
individuals who repeatedly reiterate their unswerving commitment to making their
constituencies an indubitable slice of heaven are usually accompanied by a
motley crew of not – quite gentlemen togged out in ill – fitting traditional gear
in assorted hues of white the supposed color of purity, flaunting sunglasses,
gold jewelry and the odd recurved blade or two, which their attire doesn’t
quite conceal. These bear an uncanny resemblance to ruffians in masala movies
who serve as the muscle/fawning toadies of the villains who are mostly there to
impress upon the masses that they better vote for their exalted leader or
else...
Usually there is a
lot of speechifying at rallies where the audience are lured in with promises of
petty cash, booze and chicken biriyani. Most seeking to become elected or
re-elected representatives of the people, for the people and by the people
usually can’t speak worth a damn but clearly they have found a way around their
limitations and managed to channel their inner Cicero meets Deepak Chopra with
the right dosage of inebriant even if it does cause them to slur over their
tall promises.
Speaking of
promises, there are many of those made in rousing speeches delivered at volumes
guaranteed to bust eardrums and via paid advertisements across social media.
The impoverished, minorities and women are assured that their rights will be
the top priority and not the rich men who actually run the country. Aspiring
candidates swear on their lives that the evil that is the caste system will no
longer deny people their due, religious rights of all will be upheld, and women
need not worry endlessly about being gang – raped, murdered, harassed, or being
denied opportunities for career advancement. Hell, even house – wives will
receive a much deserved salary, they are told. Law and order will be
maintained, there will be beautiful, fully – furnished houses for the poor with
as many toilets built as temples/churches/mosques. Quality education will be
free for all, development will proceed unhindered and soon, the entire country
will look twice as pretty as Switzerland in Spring.
Of course, the oft
frustrated Indian voter doesn’t buy any of it but they can’t look away either. Because
despite the awfulness of it all, dirty politics makes for one riveting
spectacle.
This article was originally published in The New Indian Express.
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