There is something portentous about the changing of the decade. For those who are rolling their eyes and want to insist that the new decade doesn’t begin until 2021, I offer as evidence all the glitzy end of the decade parties I haven’t been invited to and beg you to just indulge me. Everybody feels compelled to take stock of their lives which usually involves poring over social media memories. It is a totally worthwhile pursuit that is guaranteed to put a nostalgic smile on your face when you are not bemoaning the fact that you are no longer as young or effortlessly good looking (it is all relative!) as you were ten years ago. So you make a resolution to lose weight and take care of personal wellness, which means making the commitment to eat right, put in a big chunk of your time hitting the gym and frequenting beauty salons. The idea being that if you look like Anushka Sharma or Virat Kohli, you are more likely to emulate their success and hopefully big bucks and fame are just around the corner!
There is a need to engage in deep introspection which means you plonk yourself on a yoga mat to meditate but give up in 2 seconds flat to update yourself on which exotic and extravagant locale, the movers, shakers and richly compensated influencers are holidaying in to usher in the brand new decade, so that you can go green with envy and groan pathetically over the inadequate state of your bank account. Immediately thereafter you resolve to do whatever it takes to rake in the moolah, even if it means selling your soul/organs so you can vacation in Gstaad or Bora Bora next year instead of camping out in your room drinking soda and pretending it is champagne, while choking on your lone cupcake.
Having sworn to look your best and get rich asap, the next step is to assure yourself that you are no supercilious twit by setting goals for self - improvement. That means resolving to read more books even if it extends only to sneaking into bookstores to click a couple of pics with trending bestsellers at flattering angles to be used for your #greedtoread hashtag before making a speedy getaway. Picking up a new skill or hobby is a must. Obviously that means logging in to YouTube to look at all those ‘How To’ videos that promise to make you an expert in two minutes or attending those weekend classes and workshops that guarantee a new improved personality/lifestyle for a reasonable fee (coffee/tea/snacks included)!
Of course, one must learn a new language. Perhaps one of the romance languages, so you can communicate fluently with the locals since the plan is to become rich enough to spend the holidays gallivanting in style across Europe. Or Hindi if you are worried that its imposition across India is inevitable. I have made an encouraging start and now know more swear words in Hindi than my mother tongue.
Armed thus with the loftiest of aspirations, you can stride forth confidently into the decade and make it your own. Bring it on!
This articles originally appeared in The New Indian Express.